So you met someone and almost instantly felt attracted to them. Maybe you guys had a lot in common and you connected on a different level. We all have been there where we just meet someone and feel that they are the one and without even spending enough time to know them, decide to dive into a relationship. Well, maybe stop for a bit.
Is this something you always do? Recognize the pattern and assess the situation that follows. You start giving too much to the relationship even before the whole situationship turns into a relationship and if they try to have their space, you feel like they are moving away. From participating in a does he like me quiz to stalking all his social media accounts to know if he is cheating on me, you overthink everything without any solid supporting evidence.
You start blaming yourself for the distance. Maybe you did something that might have pushed them away. Maybe you said something, maybe they are no longer interested, maybe you were never good for them, maybe they have someone else they are talking to.
Within a day or two of not talking you get all these thoughts and you act poorly, forcing them to actually move away from you. Sounds familiar? Well, there is a chance that you have abandonment issues.
The fear of abandonment is universal and literally each and every individual has this fear but it becomes an issue when you constantly let this fear sabotage your relationships.
Is there something that can be done to get over this fear of abandonment? Fortunately, yes!
Start by Acknowledging
If you want to heal your abandonment issues, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge that there are issues that exist and there has to be a reason behind it. While acknowledging abandonment issues, you don’t have to be hard on yourself. That’s the whole point of acknowledging it to begin with. Acknowledge, accept, and understand that you are not to be blamed for this. You can blame yourself for not loving yourself enough but for abandonment issues, no!
Avoid Getting Into a Relationship
It is really important to work on your personal, emotional, and mental health before stepping into another relationship. For someone who has abandonment issues, this is going to be really difficult but it’s crucial to understand that you are letting the pattern repeat itself by not working on the root cause of the issue. Heal yourself before diving into another relationship that will end exactly how your previous relationships and situationships ended.
It is very common to fall for this pattern. As soon as something ends, you have another person in line to distract you. Even if you are not emotionally invested, you wouldn’t mind flirting and telling the person how much interested you are in them just so that they would commit to you. It gets worse when you expect commitment from multiple people just so you can have security and guarantee in a relationship. It won’t work out this way, unfortunately. It will only worsen your condition.
Don’t Expect Love From Someone Else
Your major source of love, care, and understanding should be you. When you stop expecting love from others, you will eventually stop falling for emotionally unavailable people and being a burden on your partner when in a relationship. Practice self love, validate your pain and emotions, meditate, start journaling, prioritize yourself, and do things that you love. Make a few rituals that you will not compromise on, even if you ever get into a relationship. Holding on to what you are, after getting into a relationship can be difficult for people with abandonment issues. So, try to make yourself strong enough to have a personality and life outside the relationship as well. This will even help you divert your attention when your partner is not available for some time.
Try to Keep Yourself Positive
It is always in your hands to feed your mind thoughts that you want it to believe in. Instead of allowing it to overthink about all the negative scenarios, try to shift the focus towards positivity. It is easier said than done initially but once you regularly start practicing positive self talk, mindfulness, paying gratitude, reciting positive affirmations, or whatever technique you use to stay positive, you will experience a significant difference.
Along with staying positive, also prepare yourself if something negative happens by chance. You don’t have to lose hope. It is going to hurt, yes. Every relationship or situation you are in can hurt you but do not let it break you completely. That is again in your hands.
Understand that the fear of abandonment is normal and it will stay there. But it does not have to control you in a relationship or even otherwise.